Movie Review: Smurfs 2

Wow, that was a really smurfing bad movie. See, I said "Smurf" instead of "f*ck". That's so funny, right? No? It's not? Not even it's the only joke in a two hour long movie?

I'm writing this post with a voice interpreter, because this movie caused me to involuntarily gouge my eyeballs out. If I hadn't been busy gouging my eyeballs out I would of torn off my ears, and I never want to hear the sound of Gargamel's cat's "voice" again.

The worst part about this piece of giraffe crap is that it took three things I like (Neil Patrick Harris, Hank Azaria and France) and made me hate them (although I may forgive Azaria when the next season of The Simpsons starts.)

There's so much to hate about this movie. The CGI is terrible, NPH gives what is arguably the worst performance of his career, and overall the acting is terrible. The CGI looks like a stoner did it after a week of sleepless nights. It fits in terribly with the live action portion of the film. This includes the smurfs themselves and Gargamel's cat which was my least favorite. I think that part of the time it was CGI and part of the time it was a real cat... I don't know, it just looked awful.

The plot is full of holes, basically Gargamel (not even sure I'm spelling it right. It's not worth checking.) needs the secret formula to make things into smurfs so he can take over the world by taking the "Smurf Essence" because then he can make an army of fake smurfs and use their essense to power his wand. It's not how dumb the plan is that upsets me... okay, maybe it is a little bit. Especially since we find out that he needs less than seven smurfs to get enough energy. Seriously, how is this guy a threat to the world? Anyway, the smurfs and whatever Neil Patrick Harris's character's name is need to stop him, blah blah blah. And this time, his son who they have named Blue (yes, they named their child Blue. BLUE!  ASDF ASA FHS GGNDGMH FHNF ZWERAR). And NPH's had daddy issues, blah blah blah.

These characters are so hard to connect to. I seriosly can't imagine a senario where I could give less craps about thier problems. There's one smurf who only talks about himself, and I get it, it's supposed to be funny. But here's the thing: IT'S NOT. For the whole movie I was wishing they would all just shut up. Character based humor isn't funny when you hate the characters.

Overall: 0 out of 4 stars. I hated every aspect of this movie. I'm not sure if there's anything they could of done to make me dislike it more. I'd rank it among my least favorite movies of all time.

Reference scale:
The Sandlot < Smurfs 2 < Batman and Robin